I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Randomize