I think I won the penis lottery.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
