I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
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Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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