im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
