first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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