the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
