The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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