She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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