I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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