Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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