we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
