Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
