your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
