clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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