i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Small penises have feelings too.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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