It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
