i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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