please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
