i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize