He had one of those small greek statue penises
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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