It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
