some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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