ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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