If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
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