i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
