I think my fart just growled at me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he shaved USA in his pubs
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
