Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
