I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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