I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
