im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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