i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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