dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
BRING THE BAGELS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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