sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
