So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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