I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
