We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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