in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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