I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
