Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
