I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
