The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
