Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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