Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
