Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
