do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
