I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
