turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
