I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
