i was born a porn star she said
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
