420 ftw
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
