Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Send us your Text From Last Night!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
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