Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Send us your Text From Last Night!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Loading more great texts...