Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
