Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
