Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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