R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
