You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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