Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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