Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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