So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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