Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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