dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
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