I must be too annoying 4 u.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
