You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
