well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
