What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
