we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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