my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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