You smell like a Billy Joel song
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize