Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
