so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
