yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
