you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
