I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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