I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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