I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
