Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
