thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
