Kiss
Puke
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am available for nakedness
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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