pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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