At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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